Right now, it seems many of my friends are dealing with some every serious issues.  One has a legally aged son that was arrested because he posed a threat at home. Another friend checked himself into a 10-day program to deal with deep depression due to a divorce.  Another friend is helping her daughter through a returning cancer while another is dealing with both an abusive husband and mother.

Maybe it’s me? Maybe its Trump’s fault?  Maybe it’s just that life is tough and not getting easier.

I wonder if it’s part of my own and my friends’ mid-life mark – the challenges of life finally catching up to a point of our brains being full and unable to handle the extreme stress. I wonder if it’s a competitive world making us always feel we aren’t good enough.  I wonder if its social media reminding us that everyone else seems to be happy, having fun and seemingly confident.

Truthfully, I know that I attract some of the personality types because I’m literally in the business of giving people confidence. I’d like to believe I’m a good listener, resourceful and admittedly even a little curious.  Besides supporting my work, helping others with their challenges also helps me to know that my woes aren’t off the curve of ‘normal’.  It helps keep my stress in check knowing that my challenges are relatively not as bad.  It doesn’t mean my stress goes away. It just means I don’t mire in self-pity and remember that I am as well equipped as anyone to figure out how to fix just about anything (though I do leave the house stuff to my very handy husband!)

I keep reading expert studies that to be happier, we need to surround ourselves with people who bring us positive energy and boost our mood. Surely there is a place in our lives for people who are fun and burden free.  But it’s easy to lose perspective that EVERYONE has issues – and even money can’t make real life easy.  Easier, perhaps.  Then again, often even more challenging.

I do believe it is neuro-fueling to be grateful for what you have and mindful of what you do. I subscribe to the science that says positive thoughts can override negative pathways and that happiness is a measure of satisfied expectation. However, life does happen and when it does, it’s the people who have core confidence that can deal with it – and are able to help others when they need confident friends to lean on.

Alyssa Dver
Cheif Confidence Officer

American Confidence Institute

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